Between Death and Bella
by LarkaBelaqua
Summary: Okay, pretty much the time of Edward's life as a vampire before he met Bella, from Edward's pov.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: **I do not own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it... blah, blah...

**Edward: **Well, I wrote it, and I think I have sufficient rights-

**Me:** -You know what, I wrote it, and you're a fictional character, so you COULD have a very tough past, if I wanted...

**Edward: **Okay, she does not own the rights to Twilight, and I'm getting hungry, and you smell to appetizing, bye!

**Me: **I'll hang around Jake next time, that should clear it right up!

Okay, a lot has happened in my life recently, and you know most of it. I mean my life hasn't been totally boring or anything, most of you humans would perhaps find it exciting, but it WAS rather repetitive, to say the least. I really envy humans most of the time, you get one life, and every thing's new and exciting. I, on the other hand, move around, from place to place, repeating high school over and over. The only good thing is to listen to peoples thoughts every once and a while, like some soap opera. I have graduated so many times I don't even learn anything new anymore. And Bella wonders why we took up an interest in cars, not as much as some, but it's one thing that is constantly changing, new things they come up with, and to find out about every day.

On top of that, I don't really know if it's possible for me to go to heaven, so I'm doomed to burn in hell when my second death comes. Okay, so that's how I feel about being a vampire, and now I've doomed Bella to the same fate, and, even worse, I'm enjoying it. Hell, my life has got so much better I don't know what to do with it. Anyway, you know everything that has happened since I met Bella, or from your point of view, when Bella met me.

I was seventeen years old and dying of Spanish influenza in 1918, that was when Carlisle found me, he came to save me as my mother had wished, but he gave a whole new meaning to death for me. I remember being shocked at first when he bit me. He was a doctor and I had no idea what to think. It was excruciatingly painful as I writhed and screamed, and I feel it was really hard on Carlisle too. He was so hurt by what he had done, by watching me suffer. I can't describe it in enough detail for you to understand the intensity of the pain I went through, the venom that seared through my veins, threatening to consume every inch of my being in the scorching flames that racked my body, that changed me, and my life forever. The thing is, I know that Bella felt just like that when I changed her, she says that the morphine worked, but I know her well enough by now to know when she's lying. Yeah, I know I'm supposed to talk about before Bella, but it's been on my chest too long. I just hate the fact I could hurt her and enjoy the results...

Technically, I died then, my heart stopped beating, and I stopped breathing, but I'm still here. With a difference, I am exceptionally appealing to the human eye, glitter in sunlight, have a thirst for blood (especially human), and incredible strength, senses, and speed. Oh, and I can read minds.  
So I'm not what you'd call an average 'person'. Okay, I said I'd explain my 'life' as a vampire, I'll get to that now, every one needs an introduction. It's not very easy to start writing about your life, I wonder at the fact so many people can do it, even in diaries.

Firstly, it's incredibly surprising how much I remember of my life since the change, while I have to strain to remember my own mother's face. If you've been curious to know what I did when I wasn't around Bella (as a human), I've tried numerous times to remember my own mother's face. Being so close to a human brought a few memories back, but they had no substance, so I've tried hard to remember her. A few cloudy memories came back when I'd seen Renee, but still not enough...  
Hmm... I guess I'm going off the subject a little, yet again, but if I'm telling you my death story, you have to know about my self as a person, it makes it easier for me too...

_Author's notes:  
Okay, the next chapter WILL be about his life, but he needed an introduction, and I wasn't going to deny him his rambles... PLEASE COMMENT... I want to know what everyone thinks of it. 8^)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: **Okay, so I don't own Twilight or any characters associated with it... this is boring.

**Edward: **Do you have to do it for every chapter, it seems ridiculous to me.

**Me: **Yes its only fair, and fun in a way too, writing as you, lol, I have to admit.

So, where was I, oh, yeah. It was a painful three days for me, and for all that time I could see Carlisle watching over me. It was only later that I realised just how hard it had been. Once he bit me, he had to stop, and that's no easy thing for a vampire to do. I wonder at how there are so many of us, when it's so hard to change people. Carlisle became a vampire in the 1660's, he changed me in 1918, the time between must've been so lonely for him, his family dying, while he lived forever. No really close friends... he was alone and scared when he changed, but kept silent and out of the way...

After the three days had passed I felt the fire fading out of my limbs and rational thought returning weakly back to my head. I felt my heart beating so fast I thought it must have to break through my chest. It stopped. And the only thought that ran through my head was _I'm dead! I'm dead, and Dr Cullen killed me! _ I heard him say "I hope he's okay, please let him be okay, I hope his instincts don't take over" It was kind of faded and as if he was trying to get his thoughts together or something.

"Okay? Me? Okay? You just killed me! You. Just. Killed. Me, and you think I'm okay?"

"I didn't say anything, I was just thinking it... curious..." His voice sounded clearer that time, not faded like before, and I realized I could hear everything with such clarity.... I could hear the slight breeze outside, or the butterfly flapping it's wings as it flew around the house. I opened my eyes, and everything was clear, Dr Cullen's face was perfect, and unflawed. And I could smell... it was only then that I realised I hadn't been breathing. I took in rapid gulps of air, but it brought me no relief from the burning in my throat. I clutched at it, and tried to tear it out. I had no success and the burning continued more savagely.

"It's okay, you're thirsty, we should hunt."

"Hunt?"

"Yes, you are a vampire, you need blood."

"Blood...Vampire..."

"Yes, come on."

I followed him and immediately noticed how graceful I was, but the thought was tiny compared to the burning in my throat, it felt like it would consume my being, though no where near how bad it was as I changed. Then I ran, I ran so fast it felt like I was flying, and Carlisle followed me. As he started to catch up, I turned, ready to fight, a growl rippling through my throat. He looked at me and I heard his thoughts.

"Please, listen to me, you can read minds, I know that. don't fight me, you need to hunt, it's you're hunt, I won't intrude." Though he said it reassuring enough, there was an anxiety behind his words, that I couldn't put my finger on.

I growled at him and ran into the forest. I heard the wet sloshing of a heart beat, and a mildly attractive smell coming from the source. The fire in my throat flared and roared up. I rounded the tree. A mountain lion was lapping up water from a small lake, the burning at my throat overtook me, and I launched myself at it. I barely registered what I was doing. At the back of my mind was the tiniest thought that I had once admired the creature I now considered my prey. It didn't stop me, and I drank the last drops of blood. I looked down at myself, and noticed how torn and bloody my shirt was.

The burning didn't fade and I realised I was still thirsty, even after such a big meal. I ran through the forest again, not really sure of what I was searching for, but I found it. A large bear, it was a big grizzly, and it would have looked life threatening to any human. Before I thought, I launched my self at it. Even the bear didn't pose a problem, and soon I had finished that meal too. I wasn't quite satisfied, there was this aching for something more, and I knew no amount of animal blood would satisfy that, it was like a forbidden fruit, but until I had it I wouldn't be satisfied. I ran back to Carlisle, I knew there was nothing else I could do, I didn't know what was happening, or would happen to me. I came back to the house and Carlisle was there anxiously waiting. I heard his thoughts again. He was seriously worried I'd found a human scent...  
I went to him, and immediately my hackles were raised, he posed a threat. I stood ready to fight, but he stood there, passive and I gradually returned to normal, though weary of the fact I was with another vampire who could pose a threat.

He turned around and brought something from behind his back towards me. A mirror. I looked in it and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was beautiful, I'd say handsome but that wouldn't fit. I looked at myself a few times before noticing my eyes, they were a fiery red. The opposite to Carlisle's, which were a rich amber colour.

I had no idea what to say, so I didn't. He just explained to me about 'vegetarian' vampires, and how he was changed. He told me of enhanced abilities some vampires have, like my ability to read minds. He told me of the Volturi and his time with them.

And whilst he said that I realised that with my gift I didn't have to kill innocent humans OR live on a diet of animals...

_Authors note:  
Okay, I hope you like it, I enjoy leaving things on a cliff hanger like that. Yeah, I know I'm cruel, but I think the next chapter should be here pretty soon. Again, don't forget to review._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: **Okay, yet again, I do not own Twilight or any of the associated characters. This is purely fan made.

**Edward: **Okay, you don't own me then, obviously, so how come I agreed to write this fan fiction?

**Me:** I wanted you to, and since you're fictional you have to obey the story line.

**Edward:** .....

I sat down, though I really didn't need to, and watched Carlisle. I gathered my thoughts. I was glad I couldn't read his mind right then, It seems I could only do so when people were looking at me, or I intended to. I knew how hard it was for him to change me, and he had done it for my mother. I had to fight to keep the burn in my throat from taking over, and to keep back the growls intended for Carlisle. Every now and then one would escape my lips, but he seemed unfazed. I looked at him, and had no idea how he could stop himself from growling, or letting the burn rise to consume him. I felt like attacking him there and then, out of jealousy and spite. I growled again, a deep rumble that was an instant warning to him. He looked at me and I calmed down.

"I'm leaving. I hate this diet, and with my gift I don't have to kill any innocent humans."

"What?"

"I said, I won't live like this anymore! Yeah I've only been a vampire one day, but I need human blood."

"What will you eat then?"

"Humans, but only the bad ones." A growl of hunger escaped my lips.

He looked at me and from his thoughts I could tell he was so hurt by that, he looked away from me. I walked towards the door and he barred my way. I growled, this time not holding back, I was going, and he couldn't do anything about it, he knew I was stronger than him, and could read his mind.

He stepped aside, and I ran as fast as the wind towards the town. I felt glad that I could finally feed properly. The second I reached the town I was hit by a thick cloud of the most delicious scent I'd ever smelt. I felt the venom fill my mouth and I growled again. The scent was so thick, I couldn't follow one particular trail, which helped me, in the midst of all that smell I didn't follow one scent to a possibly innocent human. I stopped breathing and walked into the town. I can't remember what the name of the place was, but it was full of crime and murder. I walked through dark alleys, and saw a dangerous looking man standing there. I concentrated on his mind, and it made me sick. I knew I'd found my first proper meal.

In his head were the brutal things he'd done to women, and those he was planing to do. Rape, assault, murder. I hated him immediately. and relished in what he would suffer. In the blink of an eye I was in front of him. I tried not to notice that his was my meal as I spoke to him. I wanted him to be afraid first.

"You sicken me, I know what you've done, and it sickens me. You deserve to die." I growled, it took a lot of effort to speak to him, whilst thirsting for his blood so much. I let my instincts take over then, and I heard his gasping and yelps of fear as his life's blood left him. After I'd finished, I felt satisfied, more so than with the bear. Much more. I looked down at his broken body, and hated him more. I picked him up and ran out of the town to dump his body in the river.

It was 1918, and a time where it was all to easy to find people who'd committed atrocities. War was a terrible thing and there were many things people did to others that most of you can't imagine, some people took delight in seeing others suffer. Others did it because it was expected of them, an felt guilty since the war had ended. The people who felt guilty, I left alone, and those who still justified what they'd done, I killed, it was simple to pick out one from the other and choose who I killed. At the time I didn't notice the hypocrisy of my actions. I was taking delight in making people suffer, the very think I killed them for.

Back then, my actions felt fair, like I was ridding the world of some plague, I didn't bother to question myself. I went a few years like this, and travelled from place to place. It wasn't hard, and after the first year I had learnt to control my instincts quite well, and I could go to bars and places to enjoy life. It wasn't all about feeding. after a while life got a little boring, and I decided to spend my spare time honing my mind reading abilities.

After a time it was so strong that I could read the minds of everyone within the vicinity, but I couldn't cut it off any more. I began hearing people's last thoughts before death took them, thoughts of their families an lives, the things they'd never done...

I started to feel guilty as I watched their lives vanish one by one. All that took up just five years of my life. Then it was over. I had a 'final meal' then I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't stand the way I had to hear people's last thoughts as I drained them of life. I decided to go back to Carlisle's way. I returned to his house, but it was empty, I didn't think I had the strength to give up humans by myself. I didn't know what to do.

_Author's Note  
Okay, I hope you like it. PLEASE REVIEW :) _


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**

** Me: ** This has stopped being fun now, I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.

**Edward: **Do you really have to do this every time, I'm telling my life's story.

**Me: **Yes, Stephanie Meyer created you, so I have to be fair to her.

I went to the forest where I'd first hunted, I stopped at a point and sniffed the air. I extended my hearing and heard a steady heartbeat. The wind changed direction, and I smelt the deer. I had never had a herbivore before. I knew certainly, that it didn't smell nearly as appetising as the carnivores had, and nowhere near a human, but it would help me keep the burning at bay. The burning didn't take over anymore. My new-born days were long gone, and I felt the guilt of destroying so many people's lives.

I could think and be a real person. I wasn't the cruel creature of the night I had been, I was a person, I could make decisions and wasn't completely controlled by thirst. I think that making that decision, to be vegetarian, helped me so much. But I felt a guilt so strong it threatened to drown me, and I couldn't find Carlisle, the one person who could help me, pull me out of that pit.

I stood there and wished I could cry. I had all this feeling and there was no way to let it out. I went back to the house and sat in front of the old piano that was upstairs. I sat there expecting the tears that could have eased my guilt, and lay my hands onto the piano. A sweet drawn out note stretched out it's fingers and pulled me into it. It seemed so well to express my emotions that I began to play. My playing was by no means good but I continued playing anyway. It seemed to know how I felt and feel it with me. That was when I first started to play the piano. The next day I hunted, and as I drank I remembered yet again the lives and thoughts of those I killed, and I returned to play the piano. Looking back, my playing then was really awful, but at the time it was something magical that eased the guilt and soothed me.

As I played I began to think about my soul. I thought and thought, until I came to a conclusion that shattered the bubble that I formed around myself every time I started to play. I had no soul, how else could I have done those awful things? I was damned to hell and I couldn't ever be saved. The reality and truth of the thought dawned on me, and if I could have cried, I would have and never would have stopped. I felt so alone in the world and I suddenly yearned to see Carlisle again, but I had no idea where he could be. For a brief moment I considered changing someone, just so I didn't have to be alone, but I couldn't doom someone to the same fate as me.

I sat and listened to all of the sounds around me, and then I heard voices.

"Okay, this is the place, I'll show you around inside, I'm sure you'd be very happy here."

It hit me, the house was being sold, I had to get away, but I had no where to go. I grabbed the piano and launched myself with it, out of the largest window. I set it down gently and walked around to the other side of the house. I walked up to the estate agent, who jumped back in shock.

"Excuse me, would you happen to know where a Mr. Carlisle Cullen is? I thought he lived here."

"Not really, I heard he moved up to somewhere in Wisconsin, why did you want to see him?"

"I know he's such a great doctor, and my sister is dangerously ill."

"I'm sorry to hear that, I can't tell you any more, I'm afraid."

"Okay, I'll have to settle for second best."

I'd heard enough. The estate agent knew where he was, but didn't tell me, I'd read his thoughts though, he didn't expect that.

I started running, with the piano on my back, I kept going to Madison. I would check every hospital there was, and I felt happy that I would finally be able to live a good life. I ran so fast that I would've been no more than a blur to anyone I passed.

When I arrived at Madison, I stopped. Whilst I was running I hadn't thought about whether Carlisle would accept me, I didn't know him at all. I didn't know what to do. I put the piano somewhere out of sight and went into the city.

_Author's note;  
Yeah, I know, I'm doing short chapters, but I find it so much easier than doing long ones. Besides, it's my first fan fic. =) Don't forget to review. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **

**Me: **Okay, I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it.

**Edward: **You've been hanging around with Jake haven't you?

**Me: **Not all werewolves are called Jake, Edward, besides, It's okay for you to be protective over Bella, but I can do what I want, you ARE ridiculous.

**Edward: **You were just trying to spite me.

**Me:** No, I just realized what I'd said in a previous disclaimer, I decided to live up to it.

**Edward: **Well, you don't smell appetizing now.

I ran into the city. I couldn't let my doubts take over, if I didn't try I'd never be accepted by Carlisle, even if he didn't I'd still have tried. I ran and noticed the startled looks on people's faces. I remembered the sun was out, and I was glittering. I'd been so determined to see Carlisle that I had completely forgotten about the sun, I'd felt almost like a person.

I ran back outside the city, this would have to wait until night. I grew impatient, and ran off to hunt to pass the time until it was dark enough for me. I came away feeling satisfied enough, and more importantly, when it was dark. I felt the anticipation of seeing Carlisle, and his response. I was sure he'd never accept me after what I'd done, no one could be that kind or forgiving. I had been awful, and nothing would change that. The guilt raged back, and I felt so sorry that I'd missed the chance that Carlisle had offered me in the beginning.

I prepared myself, and ran into the city. It was quite a simple idea I had. Carlisle would be working late shifts, most likely, so I go to any hospitals in the city and see if I can smell a vampire. Simple enough. So I went off to find a hospital. it wasn't long before I found one. I went around it and searched for the familiar scent. Nothing. I double checked, and confirmed it, nothing. I decided to ask inside, the human smell could be covering over whatever traces were left of his scent. It just _had _to be this hospital, it _had _to be. I walked to reception, trying to keep my red eyes out of the light, enough not to alarm anyone. I took in a deep breath, though I didn't need to, and spoke very clearly.

"Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know if a Dr. Carlisle Cullen works here, would you?"

"Let me just check, is it possible he works at the other hospital?"

"Yes, I don't know where, but I really need to see him."

"Okay, I'll just be a minute."

She went off and searched through a few files, before pausing at one and smiling before making her way over.

"Ah, yes. Dr Cullen, he's a very accomplished doctor. He works at the other hospital, that's on the other side of town. He would be there now, he's working the night shift."

I smiled to myself and left, I called back my appreciation as I exited through the door. Yes, he was there, I was right. I ran so fast I was a blur to reach the other hospital. It wasn't too hard to find, hospitals have a very distinctive smell. I entered the hospital and, with a smile on my face, walked over to the receptionist.

"Hello, I know that a Dr. Carlisle Cullen works here, is it possible for me to speak to him?" The receptionist blushed before answering.

"Who should I say wants to speak to him?"

"Say that Edward Masen wants to have a second chance."

"Okay..."

She looked puzzled at my words, but did as I asked.

_I will just mention here that, though I heard people's thoughts, I stopped paying attention to them, and can't remember everything. So forgive me if you wanted to know what people were thinking._

I saw Carlisle come towards me a few minutes later. He looked mildly surprised, and happy. He walked towards me and looked forgiving. I felt so guilty that I had done so many bad things, but I was being forgiven just like that. I didn't think I deserved the kindness that I was being shown, it was funny but all he had to do was look at me, and I felt the kindness emanating off him. I think at that moment, I knew how Jasper feels sometimes.

Carlisle left work and went to his house with me. I stopped off on the way to pick up the piano I had brought with me, so that I could have it there too. We went in and talked, and I knew everything was fine.

_Authors Note:  
I hope you're enjoying it so far, thanks for taking the time to read my story, and please. Don't forget to review :) _


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:**

** Me: **I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it, and Edward won't but in again.

**Edward: **Hi, how are you going to stop me, nope, baseball bats don't work on vampires.... or chainsaws.

**Me: **Oh well...

I talked to Carlisle for a while and explained everything I'd done. He was particularly amused by the fact that I'd ran all that way with the piano. He was most intrigued at how I'd improved my mind reading abilities, and suddenly seemed uncomfortable that I could read his mind. I had to reassure him that I was

ignoring his thoughts. It's funny how everyone in our family reacted when they found that out, but I'll get to the others later.

He felt half disgusted at some of the things I'd done to people, but didn't show it even though I could read traces of his thoughts, and couldn't help it. He had apparently moved about a year after I'd started attacking humans, he'd hoped for that time that I'd come back, but I hadn't. He eventually couldn't take hearing about what I'd done, and left. That was about the same time that I'd left. I can't remember the names of the various places I went to, but I remember that I'd always run so fast to the next place in expectation of the next meal, that I think that was how I ended up faster than others of my kind.

Apparently Carlisle had moved to Madison, and there got a job very easily as a doctor. He said that there wasn't much else to tell, and was thinking about something strange, like a deer he'd hunted or something. I was sure that there was something he was trying to hide, and, though I knew it was wrong, I listened to his thoughts at times to try and figure him out. It seems there was something troubling him greatly.

I hadn't told Carlisle I knew about this, until recently to ask his permission to write it. I'm not betraying him by telling you, though I think he would rather it remain buried. From his thoughts I picked up brief images of a woman that he treated in hospital soon after he'd moved to Madison. She was average looking, but he remembered the smell of her blood, and had come close to letting his instincts take a hold of him. Her blood had smelt the same to him as Bella's had to me, she had been his 'singer', it's clear to me now. He remembered how horribly injured she was, and how he'd run off, for fear of losing control. She had died, albeit a week later, and he blamed himself for it, because he'd delayed treatment by running off.

Also, he'd believed he could have changed her, but he didn't want her to end up making the same decision as me. He reflected on that a lot for a while, but eventually he pushed it from his mind.

I was very glad I'd been accepted so well, and the new life seemed perfect, I could be around humans quite easily, as I'd had to stop myself from killing innocents before. So in order to keep myself occupied I went to high school. Of course I had to wait a couple of months feeding only on animals, and in that time I learnt to play the piano much better, but it was well worth it. It would have probably seemed like the most ridiculous idea a vampire had ever had, but what else could take up my spare time?

I had sorted out the perfect story with Carlisle, so nothing could be said to doubt it. He had offered to foster me a while back, but I had refused, I didn't 'need' parents. After a time I came looking for him to say I'd changed my mind. Carlisle had drawn up the papers so it would look official, so then I was Edward Cullen.

I was so nervous the first time I walked into the school, my eyes had finally changed enough to be acceptable to the other kids, so I walked in. It was so hard to focus on anything with all of that human scent around me, but I dealt with it.

I remember that, at first, I sat in lesson and listened to the kids thoughts, and watched them blush as I turned to look at them. I knew that vampires were all particularly appealing to the human eye, but it still shocked me to hear what the girls thought of me, and how jealous the boys were. I sat by myself a lot. Though people admired me in their own ways, they still had this fear of approaching me, the fear was mainly justified by the fact that the girls didn't stand a chance, and the boys wouldn't be seen dead with me. I was so amazed by people's reactions that I forgot completely about everything else for the day.

The next day, having hunted and played the piano that night, I went into school, same as before, but things had changed. People had noticed how I moved flawlessly, and discussed it with their friends, how sometimes I seemed not to breathe or blink. Someone even said how cold I was as I handed them something they'd dropped. Mostly what consumed their thoughts was how still I could sit or stand, like I was dead.

I went home early that day, claiming not to feel well, I didn't let anyone check my temperature, though. I just left, explaining my reasons, not the true ones, of course.

When I got back, Carlisle was out at work. I had expected it, but it still disappointed me that he wasn't there, I needed him to help me act human. With nothing to do, I went to see him at work. It was a rainy day, as it often was at that time of year, so I didn't need to be careful at all, in that sense at least.

I asked at reception, and the woman blushed and nodded. She took me up to where he was working, apparently he was working in the children's ward, giving them medication. On the way to the children's ward, we had to pass the mental patients, who, Carlisle had said, could see us for what we were. It was very unnerving having them all stare at me as I walked through, they were terrified and kept saying;

"The cold one's here, the cold one... he'll kill us..."

They were terrified out of their minds and started trying to pull themselves out of their bonds that were holding them down. They settled as soon as we'd gone through. Once we'd got through the door the receptionist told me not to worry, they weren't dangerous, they just saw danger where it wasn't.

We got to Carlisle and he looked shocked to see me, his immediate thought being that I'd hurt or killed someone, before rebuking himself to be more sensible in his opinions. He finished giving the emaciated child some antibiotics. He felt so sad. I saw in his thoughts that she was going to die, and no amount of antibiotics could help that...

The receptionist left and muttered about the poor children. I knew she didn't have to walk me up to the children's ward, she just liked to see the children, she had a life outside of a receptionist, but to most of the people that came and went, that was all she was.

Carlisle took the time off work to talk to me at home, not wanting anyone to overhear our more than slightly unusual conversation. He made sure someone else could take over and left. He always had time for me, and since he was such a great doctor, they would never fire him. He was very lucky in that.

_Authors note:  
I hope you enjoy it, and don't forget to review, people. XD _


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer; _I don't own Twilight or any of the characters associated with it, as much as I wish it was my own idea, it wasn't._**

I explained to him about all of the little things that kids had been noticing, and he pretty much punched himself for not thinking about that earlier. We decided I should take some time off school, to learn to act human. First I learnt to walk half clumsily, which took a long time, It was kind of funny that I was trying to do the opposite of upper-class people being taught manners and how to walk straight. We built up a kind of routine, I'd play the piano, read, and otherwise occupy myself whilst Carlisle worked his varying shifts, dependent on the weather, and would be taught how to act human the rest of the time.

It had only been a year since I'd come back to Carlisle, and the routine had built up strongly. It seemed to focus my mind and I started to feel more or less normal-ish, at least, my life (or death) was coming together and boredom became easier and easier to escape. I always had things to do. One time I even ran to brazil and went swimming, just for something to do, and I started to see that it could be considered a gift, a curse as well, I hadn't forgotten, but I was doing things that no one else could. And I had no fears... aside from killing again. I felt like this could go on forever, but, as with all things, it was stirred up again.

It was quite late in the evening one day when I could hear Carlisle's thoughts as he approached the house.

"Don't let her die, please god..."

And then I noticed the other thoughts, they were fading, but definitely there.

"My son... My son... Where's the fire....? It burns..."

She went on like that for the few seconds it took for Carlisle to get to the house. He swung the door open and laid a bedraggled looking woman on the bed. she was covered in blood and her back looked appallingly out of shape. Her eyes were growing dim and her thoughts faded as she slipped into unconsciousness.

"Get out of here!" Carlisle shouted. "I can't have any accidents... in case the blood becomes too much for you."

We didn't talk after that, I watched him run around making sure she didn't die, she was in pretty bad shape. As I watched him I wondered what had inspired him to change her. He paced around when there was nothing else to do for her. I heard how worried he was getting, but I didn't speak to him, he needed to be in his own head, and I understood that. To pass the time, and hopefully soothe him, I played a piece on the piano. It didn't have a name, as with a lot of what I play. I don't seem to play music, but moods. I play whatever I'm feeling at any particular time, but Carlisle was made irritable by his stress, so I stopped. I picked up a book, Wuthering Heights (this was before I started disliking the characters), I opened it and started reading. I read for the the whole time until Esme's heart stopped beating. In that time I got through four other books I can't remember the titles of.

Thud. Then no more. It was over. I raced down to where she was.

Her eyes snapped open, the fiery red that mine had been. She looked confused. She was thinking along the lines of 'I should be dead. Am I dead, where am I?' I could hardly make it out though, because mixed in with that was the raw thirst that burned in her throat. I still didn't know who she was, all I'd gathered was that her name was Esme. I was lost in thought for a minute, when suddenly she cried out

"My Son!" And she ran to the corners and sat down hugging her knees, shaking and making a wretched gurgling noise, as if trying to force something out of her throat. She was frightened of what was going on, and sad because of her son... I didn't know why at the time. Then she turned round.

"Why can't I cry! I need to cry... Is this hell?"

Carlisle walked over to her to comfort her but she turned around and growled. She was close to attacking us. We were both on guard, but didn't want it to come to a fight. I decided it was time for her to hunt, we couldn't talk to her in this state, so I raced out of the door and was back in seconds, having checked for human scents.

"It's clear." I reassured Carlisle, and he nodded at me.

"I think you need to feed, come with me." He gestured at her to follow him, and she growled again. She launched herself at him and bowled him over, but he did nothing but stand up again. He smile at her again, reassuringly, and she hesitantly walked after him. I waited whilst they hunted, and took the opportunity to play the piano, and mull things over. I would have to talk to Carlisle.

It was about an hour before they came back, she seemed a bit better, but she was considerably blood-stained, and her clothes torn.

Once she was sitting peacefully enough, I waved Carlisle over.

"We need to talk..."

_Authors Note;  
Sorry it took so long to write, I've been feeling a bit off lately, but I hope you like it, it shouldn't be too long before I write the next chapter :) _


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